We were asked to write a letter to our kids who are working on a merchant ship from the 1790's...they worked on the ship for a day. Riley did something with cargo...
December 12, 1796
Dearest Riley,
We hope this letter finds you well. We were going to send you some hard biscuits, but unfortunately, we ate them. We are still waiting for the money you were going to send us for your brother’s treatment, can you please expedite this as soon as possible? A scientist just invented an inoculation for small pox and Dr. Reed says that if we hurry, we could save him.
Your mother has been recently struck with a fever and has been waking up with delusions and in hysteria, saying something about women voting. Could you imagine? Hah! Anyway, Dr. Reed has put the leeches on her and they are sucking the fever out as I write.
Did I tell you I have new teeth? I won some money at a horse race and bought myself a new set of pine teeth. They go very nicely with my mahogany peg leg. Speaking of parrots, beware of pirates. I read in the paper that Algerian Pirates are taking American sailor’s captive and holding them for ransom. We can’t have you getting kidnapped before you send us the money to save your brother’s spleen.
Did I mention your brother now has polio? That, in addition to the smallpox, will require you to stay out and continue sailing for at least another year to pay these medical bills. At least he’ll be able to get into Harvard if he pulls through, his private tutor has been very happy with his progress. He says “Hello….Riley”
Your mother is worried that the election of John Adams as president is going to make everyone forget George Washington. I sure do hope they figure out some way to make sure he is never forgotten. Britain and France are at war again! It’s a good thing your grandfather retired from the British Navy, the war for our independence was enough for him. He despised the cold winters here and is happy and cozy in his manor back in London. He refuses to come visit us still, but who can blame him after how he was treated as a prisoner during the war.
Also, we have found you a husband. His name is Olaf and he has 11 fingers. He has built one room on your house and has already started a successful dung scooping business. What an entrepreneur! You will be rolling in it soon! As for your desire to go to school to further your education, your chores as a faithful and obedient wife will more than occupy your time. Your mother agrees.
Things at the farm are good, we had a tough storm a few weeks back but overall the livestock are faring well. We have a nice piggy we are fattening up for Christmas dinner. Your mom is going to bake her famous pie too! We are proud of you and wish you well. I have to go though, the lamp is running low on oil and I need to tend to your mother. Have fun on the ship!
Your loving father,
Chris
PS. We had to eat Fasbee, it’s been a tough winter. She was tasty though, a bit like chicken!
Dearest Riley,
We hope this letter finds you well. We were going to send you some hard biscuits, but unfortunately, we ate them. We are still waiting for the money you were going to send us for your brother’s treatment, can you please expedite this as soon as possible? A scientist just invented an inoculation for small pox and Dr. Reed says that if we hurry, we could save him.
Your mother has been recently struck with a fever and has been waking up with delusions and in hysteria, saying something about women voting. Could you imagine? Hah! Anyway, Dr. Reed has put the leeches on her and they are sucking the fever out as I write.
Did I tell you I have new teeth? I won some money at a horse race and bought myself a new set of pine teeth. They go very nicely with my mahogany peg leg. Speaking of parrots, beware of pirates. I read in the paper that Algerian Pirates are taking American sailor’s captive and holding them for ransom. We can’t have you getting kidnapped before you send us the money to save your brother’s spleen.
Did I mention your brother now has polio? That, in addition to the smallpox, will require you to stay out and continue sailing for at least another year to pay these medical bills. At least he’ll be able to get into Harvard if he pulls through, his private tutor has been very happy with his progress. He says “Hello….Riley”
Your mother is worried that the election of John Adams as president is going to make everyone forget George Washington. I sure do hope they figure out some way to make sure he is never forgotten. Britain and France are at war again! It’s a good thing your grandfather retired from the British Navy, the war for our independence was enough for him. He despised the cold winters here and is happy and cozy in his manor back in London. He refuses to come visit us still, but who can blame him after how he was treated as a prisoner during the war.
Also, we have found you a husband. His name is Olaf and he has 11 fingers. He has built one room on your house and has already started a successful dung scooping business. What an entrepreneur! You will be rolling in it soon! As for your desire to go to school to further your education, your chores as a faithful and obedient wife will more than occupy your time. Your mother agrees.
Things at the farm are good, we had a tough storm a few weeks back but overall the livestock are faring well. We have a nice piggy we are fattening up for Christmas dinner. Your mom is going to bake her famous pie too! We are proud of you and wish you well. I have to go though, the lamp is running low on oil and I need to tend to your mother. Have fun on the ship!
Your loving father,
Chris
PS. We had to eat Fasbee, it’s been a tough winter. She was tasty though, a bit like chicken!
BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER!!!
2 comments:
Seriously, that was the funniest thing I have read in a long time. It's a Monday, so I needed that.
Its how we roll down here...
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