The true story of Darth Vader on a motorcycle...

This is a true story. I always wanted a birthday party. Since I was a little kid I wanted a bunch of kids to come over and celebrate my birthday. However, my parents were young and didn't have a lot of friends with kids my age. So the first birthday party ever thrown in our house was for my brother, for his sixth birthday. We lived in a two bedroom house in Portland, near Mt. Tabor. It had a basement that my brother and I were scared to death of, and a cool backyard with several fruit trees (and a sinkhole!).

When the kids started showing up, my brother and I were really excited. Most of the kids there were from our church, but there was probably 10 kids or so. My brother got to open a few of his presents, including the coolest green big wheel I have ever seen. I was seriously jealous. Now all of this time my brother and I are really excited, running around and playing with other kids. There are a few parents there, but neither of us had really noticed that my dad was nowhere to be found.

My dad worked construction. He was pretty smart, but young and from what I hear, fairly wild. He would get off work at around 3pm or so, hit the bar and have a few suds with his work buddies, then come home. Now I'm not sure that he stuck to his routine on this day, but based on the way that things turned out, it wouldn't surprise me if he did.

My family was really into Star Wars. It was the only movie I had ever seen on a movie screen. We went to see it in the drive in three times (my dad liked the drive in so he could smoke). As a result, my brother and I were always playing Star Wars. We were always using the force to fight our nemesis Darth Vader. So when Darth Vader walked into my brother's birthday party, it started a six-year old panic the likes of which had never been seen. We were crawling over each other trying to escape, and Darth Vader was calling for my brother, who was frantic at this point. About 15 more seconds elapsed before my dad was forced to take off the mask to calm the rest of the kids at the party. Kev and I were lucky they were there, if it had been just us, we would have been tormented much longer.

Once we figured it out, it was fun and the kids took turns wearing the mask until my mom served ice cream and cake for the party. Afterwards (and maybe a few more beers later), my dad put the mask back on and hopped onto his Husqvarna dirt bike. My dad used to race dirt bikes among many other racing related hobbies. He sped off out of our driveway and down the street, Darth Vader on a motorcycle.

My mom started to get worried when he didn't come back. At first she thought he was just screwing around, but when it got dark she knew something was wrong. Eventually my dad came through the door, still wearing the Darth Vader outfit, except the suit was torn, and the cape was ripped to shreds. As it turns out, the scene in the Incredibles where the lady talks about capes is dead on. His cape got caught in his chain about a mile down the road. It yanked him back and he blew through someones fence and into their yard. He crashed into their garden and the bike sat there and spat blue smoke as my dad tried to undo the cape wrapped around his neck. The way my dad tells it, the guy was laughing so hard that he could barely talk, and by the time my dad got the helmet off to apologize with a normal voice, the guy had already grabbed his wife and she was laughing too.

This is what is was like growing up in my house. Maybe sometime I'll tell you the story of the time I crashed a motorcycle in the dining room of our house...no worries now though. For some reason, my wife won't let me have a bike.

Be Excellent to each other!!!